From the creators of “The Daily Mash”, the UK’s No. 1 satirical website, this delivers the stories they don’t want you to read, including: people who know how to fucking park on brink of extinction; fat kids to be chased to school by dogs; Vatican to build huge telescope in hunt for Jesus; estate agents will starve to death, says upbeat report; UK threat level raised to ‘Underpants’; free bank with every new mobile; Britain strikes gold in sport no one watches; Ferguson apologises to premenstrual Reading fans; and, Beckham unable to pronounce ‘Scientology’. Meanwhile Agony Aunt Petula Soul tackles a diverse range of bizarre sexual problems and astrologer Psychic Bob maps your mystic future (’There’s always a chance you’ll get something you have been wanting for a long time. But there’s a much bigger chance you won’t’). Plus: opinion polls, talking dogs and an absolutely gigantic rat. ‘Makes the New Testament look like a lot of insane, voodoo rubbish’ – Rt Rev. Tom Logan, St Clive’s, Taunton.